to put in another form, if I were able to find a way to introduce an max block size increase through a soft-fork, would such a change become uncontentious?
I don't assume anything Core and Co. say about "consensus," "contentiousness," or "hard/soft forks" serve as anything more than convenient ad hoc excuses. I don't claim this is a conscious strategy; for some people at some times it may be, but it could easily be unintentional - a natural result of people settling into power positions.
Power doesn't just corrupt in the sense of changing people's incentives. Power corrupts in an even more pernicious way: it distorts your own reasoning about your actions. If you're the Core maintainer and hope that certain changes aren't pushed through, the idea that consensus is required for changes starts to sound like a reasonable and obvious principle, regardless of whether it is, because you have the power to make it so. Then if you want a change pushed through but someone is holding out, it suddenly starts to seem reasonable and obvious that certain exceptions should apply to the consensus requirement. Not because it is, but because you can make it so.
If it becomes more convenient to interpret "consensus" in a more relaxed way, in terms of numbers and scope of participants, you will tend to do so and feel it is reasonable without noticing how your bias being in a power position is affecting your judgment. Power corrupts your mind itself, by diminishing your ability to adjust for your own bias. You start to reinterpret words as you see fit, not noticing the contradictions. This corrupts your own judgment systematically. This game can continue for a long time, creating more and more "obvious and reasonable" exceptions to the stated rules.
This hides to everyone, often even yourself, that you are merely exercising your own judgments under the guise of impartiality. Your decisions will always be perfectly objective and in accordance with the rules when
you get to interpret the rules, even if you are simply dictating policy completely as you see fit. And that's even once you get to the stage where people try to force you to have hard and fast rules. You never want something concrete like "5 out of 5 of the Core committers must agree, or the change will not be merged." Instead you can do something like this, keeping it as vague as possible and adjusting things as needed:
You can do better still if you have various people deliver your pronouncement of different aspects of these rules. That way if anyone is pinned down on some contradiction, they can always say that isn't
their understanding of the rules and you'll have to ask the other guy.
Even when the contradictions becomes too obvious to ignore, you still have an easy way out: just say you're changing policy (to something more "reasonable" of course, hopefully with a lot of vagueness and shaped most conveniently for the agenda you want to push while still appearing plausibly objective).
It's a tiresome game, and it ends when people get fed up and decide to fork Core off.